Bathroom Reading (if you are trying to vomit): Jill Zarin's Book of Stereotypes

I truly believe that when Secrets of a Jewish Mother was pitched, it was with the idea that the content would be clever and funny. It really wasn't. This book was banal and trite, and fairly chock full of ridiculous "witticisms" about how you can cheat your husband, outsmart your social colleagues, and generally feel smug and self-satisfied by repeating a pseudo-funny mantra or two to yourself.

The book is the by-product of the dubious fame garnered by Jill Zarin, a social climber one step away from her roots in the wholesale houses of less glamorous boroughs of the Big Apple who is one of the hausfraus on The Real Housewives of New York City, a very horrific show on Bravo which is tantamount to spray cheese: really lacking in value but interesting to watch.

Jill Zarin's name appears front and center at the bottom of the book cover, where Jill stands in all her middle-aged, air-brushed glory with her mother and her sister (the mother's name and the sister's name are teeny-tiny compared to Jill's, because this is all part of Jill's desperate attempt to make herself relevant). The book allegedly shares with readers all of the touching and heart-warming advice that has made Jill's family so successful and happy in their lives.

Among these include the advice to only marry a rich man even if you don't love him, marry a man who loves you more than you love him so that you'll always have the upper hand, and steal money out of your husband's pants when he is asleep.

I want to add that perhaps this snarky tone might have been less grating had Jill Zarin not negatively reinforced every piece of advice in the book with her odd rants and self-indulgent histrionics on the TV show that made it possible for someone like her to have a book in the first place.

Jill believes that reviewers are reviewing the TV show and not the book: I disagree with that assessment. This is an advice book, ostensibly written by someone whose life is so well-managed that the rest of us should take heed of her wisdom, experience and insight. Because of this, Jill's behavior is directly linked to the value of the book.

I have to point out that a lot of people don't buy Tiger Woods' products anymore, either.

THE REVIEW? Even without her bad actions, Jill's book is flat and smug, poorly written and carelessly edited -- this was clearly a project aimed at a speedy release to ensure that the Penguin Group cashed in on what surely will only be 15 minutes of reader interest.